Blog 20

Dear future students,

I have almost completed Professor Conaway’s English 1206 course and here are my finally thoughts. Being an engineering major I didn’t think I would enjoy this class and all I would have to do is just survive through it. This class isn’t like any of my college course. There are no test so the papers are a majority of your grade. The first paper this semester was the hardest since you have to break down an argument and think about both sides of the argument. The second and third papers are very enjoyable to write. You get to choose the topic for both which makes it fun. The second paper is an inquiry in which you answer a question you choose. You learn a lot about explaining your opinions and findings to your audience. The third paper is a science feature and during the process of writing this paper you learn a lot about keeping your reader interested. Also you really learn a lot about your topic. All three papers have really helped my writing since they aren’t like papers in high school were all you have to do is follow a model and write down random facts. The rest of grade besides the papers are blog post and a final presentation. The blog post are assigned about every other class and they help with the process of writing your paper. I really liked the fact that we had the ability to revise our papers. I then learned my mistake and how I could improve on them in the future. 

Blog 19

I think that this semester really improved my ability to write. Being an engineering student I don’t have to take many English classes but I feel that I got a lot out of 1206. In the past to write a paper all I would have to do is write down facts I already knew and had a specific path the follow. This class was different. Starting with the Shelby Lee Adams paper we had to choose a side and then argue for it and against the other side. It made me think about both sides of the argument as I wrote. Next the Inquiry was my favorite paper. This time we got to choose the topic. The idea of answering a question in an essay was new to me but I really enjoyed writing the paper. I had always thought about my inquiry question but this time I had the chance to write a paper about and express my opinions. The last paper was the science feature and again since we were able to choose the topic I enjoyed this paper a lot too. I learned a lot about my topic the higgs boson and what I learned will help me in future classes as well. All of these paper were effective in teaching me a new way to write. They were so much different than paper I have done in high school and I learned a lot which will help me to be a better writer in the future. 

Joslin's review of Freed

Peer Review and Commentary—Science Feature AJ Joslin review of Bret Freed

The Lead:

How does the lead pull the reader in and entice her to read on?  Is it surprising, or are claims made that are common knowledge (note: the reader shouldn’t be able to say, ‘well duh.’)?  Is it effective?  Can it be made more effective?  (think details, human drama, evocative language—why do/don’t you want to read on?)

The author has a strong lead. They make the reader think of a world where everything is theirs and they can do whatever they want. Seems impossible but it is a lucid dream.

Does the lead give a clear indication of what the story will be about, or rely on mystery, or both?  Would more of a focus be helpful?  Is the reader aware of the importance of a topic—why it matters and is worth learning about?  Adversely, if for more entertainment purposes, is the topic engaging enough to compel reading?

The author give us the topic of the paper in the title and towards the end of the first paragraph. They don’t rely on mystery.

Organization:

Consider how the story is structured.  Chronological, thematic, chapter/section-based, inquiry-driven?  Is it effective?  Be specific—if a paragraph doesn’t transition well into the next, mention it and provide suggestions for improvement.

The paper is organized. It starts off with the intro, then the science behind dreaming, lucid dreaming, and then experiments related to lucid dreaming.

Is each paragraph well focused, or are several ideas competing for attention?  How can better focus be achieved?

The paragraph about the author’s experiments and scientist experiments seem to overlap towards the end. Besides that they are strong.

Are there certain points (factual or narrative based) that require more development?  Are you, the reader, unclear at certain points?  Are any ideas superfluous or distracting?

I think the ending needs more development. We get the science behind dreaming and then experiments but then it just ends.

Balance of human interest and information.  Point out sections that become too bogged down in dry facts or heavily specialized concepts.  Adversely, find sections that rely on narrative without giving the reader proper background information and factual points of reference.

I think the balance works in the paper.

Are claims backed up by examples, evidence, research?  Are sensory details employed effectively?  Are abstractions made concrete through use of examples and details?

Claims are backed up by people’s recorded experiences

How is the story concluded?  Does it wrap up the topic neatly and provide closure?  Does it ask bigger questions or compel the reader to search for more?  Are you left wanting more (and is this a good thing)?  Is it effective?

The conclusion comes up fast. The author talks about the idea of a dream mirror and then the paper ends. I think a few paragraphs could be added to the end. Maybe one more new idea and then a complete conclusion.

Voice and Audience

Characterize the story’s voice and tone?  Is it suitable for the topic?  Is it engaging?  Is it consistent throughout the piece?  If first person POV is used, is this effective or jarring (remember, most story’s should rely on the strength of the topic for engagement, not the evidence of authorial intrusion).

The author tone works for this paper. They are very curious in the topic and making lucid dreaming work. Not all he answer are known on this topic so the paper doesn’t have all the answer either. The voice is effective for what the author is talking about.

Try to characterize the audience.  What venue (publication) do you think this story suits?  Why?  Does the author effectively address this audience (too dumbed-down or sensational, too dry and esoteric)?

This could apply to anyone. Since everyone dreams, any person could be interested in lucid dreaming. With the science background this paper could be read by almost anyone.

Mechanics

Mark any ineffective or over-used word/phrase choices.  Mark any repetitive sentence structures.  Offer advice on vocabulary, syntax, and sentence structure.

Mark other grammar issues and typos.

Marked on paper

Outline

To start off my paper I am going to write about the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva Switzerland. The Large Hadron Collider was built in collaboration with over 10,000 scientists and engineers from over 100 countries, as well as hundreds of universities and laboratories. It lies in a tunnel 27 kilometers (17 mi) in circumference, as deep as 175 meters (574 ft.) beneath the ground. It accelerates particles at nearly the speed of light around the 27 kilometer circle and Atlas is a super computer that can read the data of the particle collision.

I plan to then go to into a bit of history and write about Peter Higgs and his ideas.

After that I will explain the higgs boson also known as the “god particle”, is the particle that gives matter mass. The higgs boson interacts with the Higgs field and this gives particles mass. The larger the particle the more it interacts with the field and the more mass it has.

I will then relate the Large Hadron Collider to the higgs boson and explain how Albert Einstein’s famous equation of E=mc² ties them together.

Before I conclude the paper I will talk about the impact of finding the higgs boson on modern physics and what it means moving forward in science. Since finding it 2012 revolutionized physicist ideas of the origin of mass.

This is a big topic to write about. I hope the Large Hadron Collider and the facts behind it will keep the reader interested as I explain the history, the higgs boson and the impact of its discovery.

Questions

The biggest question I will have to answer is what is the higgs boson? In the most simple explanation higgs boson, also known as the “god particle”, is the particle that gives matter mass. Finding it 2012 revolutionized physicist ideas of the origin of mass. The higgs boson interacts with the Higgs field and this gives particles mass. The larger the particle the more it interacts with the field and the more mass it has. How is a particle detected? Using the Atlas detector of the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva Switzerland. The LHC was built in collaboration with over 10,000 scientists and engineers from over 100 countries, as well as hundreds of universities and laboratories. It lies in a tunnel 27 kilometers (17 mi) in circumference, as deep as 175 meters (574 ft.) beneath the ground. It accelerates particles at nearly the speed of light around the 27 kilometer circle and Atlas is a super computer that can read the data of the particle collision. How does colliding particles get this particle? Einstein’s famous equation E=mc² tell us that mass is just another form of energy. By speeding the particles up to nearly the speed of light, the collision turns this energy into many particles and it is just a matter of Atlas capturing this data. The question of why is it named higgs? The particle is named after Dr. Peter Higgs after he predicted such a particle should exist in 1964. He thought an energy field permeated the entire universe, later called the higgs field. 

Student Essays

I choose to look at Student Essay’s 4 and 8. Titled “Per Aspera Ad Astra” and “Watson’s Big Day”. Both start off with a single sentence before their body paragraphs. Essay 4 starts off with a sentence that reads “Seventeen seconds.  Seventeen goddamn seconds was all it took to lose those three men.” Not knowing what the title meant this statement grabs anyone attention. Essay 8 “Good afternoon, Mr. Trebek, I have been waiting for a very, very, very long time.” Neither statements reference what exactly is the topic of the articles but they get your attention or curiosity. This is what I will need when I write about the Higgs Boson. It is a big topic and can be very difficult to explain so I want a strong introduction so I don’t lose my readers right off the start. Both of these article have the one sentence introduction that does a strong job. After further reading we see that Essay 8 is about Watson the computer and its ability to communicate with humans and the article lead into Artificial Intelligence. Essay 4 is about the death of three men abroad a practice test. A fire broke out and burned the three men. This article has an interesting twist. They start with the opening statement but then go through to history and lead to their initial statement. Along the way there are short statements that are related to the fire and death of the men. The author keeps you reading since you get taste of what is to come after going through the history. I now have more ideas on how I will tackle the paper of writing about the Higgs Boson.

Bring them back to Life

“Bring them back to Life” does an excellent job of keeping my attention in the introduction. They article talks about bringing an extinct creature back to life. Right away this made me think of the scene from Jurassic Park when the blood is being drawn the mosquito in the amber and how they had breed dinosaurs back in existence. This idea of de-extinction seemed just like an idea from science fiction. I thought it was interesting that after reading the intro that they made the same reference to Jurassic Park that I had. The article makes strong points for de-extinction. Since humans did wipe out these animals by hunting them or destroying their habit we should help bring them back. The article kept my attention through this park since it kept me thinking and convincing me for this idea. The idea that a woolly mammoth could be brought back to life defiantly peaked my interest. It seems impossible but with advanced in technology we are seemingly right on the edge. I liked the reference to 1813 when the pigeons would blanket the sky. It’s really mind blowing to think that a species of such abundance was destroyed because of human hunting and human activity. The article does close on the more realistic note that even though we are close it is still years away. Also the question of would these animals be able to survive will come up over and over again. I liked this article. It made an idea that seems to come straight from science fiction as a possibility over the coming years.