Julia Saunders's review

Peer Review; SLA Argument

Author’s Name: Julia Saunders                                                    Peer Review’s Name: AJ Joslin

What is the main point, the argument? [List page # and paragraph—and then write it in your own words]

This paper is for Shelby Lee Adams and his work in the Appalachia

How does the argument refute potential detractors? [Please list anything the author may have missed that they need to address]

They state that Shelby truly cares for the people he photographs, like in Childers family. The kids look forward to seeing him year round and he plays and interacts with the children.

Introduction: Describe in your own words what the intro does, then if its effective.  Why/Why Not?  [Please be as specific as possible]

I think the intro is effective. I like the Facebook reference. It addresses the topic at hand and introduces some of the concerns of Shelby’s critics.

Paragraph Concerns:  if there are any paragraphs with more than one main point, address whether they should be split into separate paragraphs, or if one point seems unnecessary and can be deleted.  Are there any paragraphs doing the same thing and can be combined? This is a good place to discuss overall structure, the logical series of points being made.  If the paragraph sequence could be altered for greater effectiveness, please note.

The three paragraphs are good. The first talks about how the pictures are taken, The second and third are about his relationship with the people who live there. I think another topic would make the paper better than just the two main ideas the body paragraphs talk about.

Evidence:  Is each main point backed with evidence?  Has the author thoroughly explained the implications of the point being made?  Offer advice on how to back up the point (photo treatment, quotes, logic).

The main points are back by the documentary and In Plato’s Cave. The author did a very good job explaining these two works.

Transitions: Does each paragraph flow well from the previous?  If there are any fuzzy transitions, please list them specifically—page #, paragraph #--and give advice on how to make the transition smoother (or moved to somewhere else in the paper).

The transition is good between the paragraphs.

Conclusion:  Is the conclusion effective in wrapping up the argument, leaving the reader/listener well aware of the point(s) being made?  Does the author leave any loose ends (unfinished arguments begun earlier)?  Can the conclusion be strengthened?

The conclusion is strong but gets redundant about the point that he tries to show the world these people while not exploiting them.

Voice/Audience:  Describe how the voice is effective in addressing this controversy, keeping in mind that there are people who will not agree with the argument.  Do you feel that the author is effective in projecting him/herself as a rationale authority who had given thought to all viewpoints?  Voice is hard to maintain throughout an entire paper.  Please list passages and word choices that hinder the success of the rationale voice, and offer advice on how to make it stronger.

The author has strong voice. This shown with the use of the questions scattered throughout the document and ending the paper.

Revision Suggestions: [recap any suggestions made above, and then list the two most important ones you feel need to occur to achieve maximum effectiveness.]

I would suggest adding more sources and maybe a one more idea into the body paragraphs.