Blog 20

Dear future students,

I have almost completed Professor Conaway’s English 1206 course and here are my finally thoughts. Being an engineering major I didn’t think I would enjoy this class and all I would have to do is just survive through it. This class isn’t like any of my college course. There are no test so the papers are a majority of your grade. The first paper this semester was the hardest since you have to break down an argument and think about both sides of the argument. The second and third papers are very enjoyable to write. You get to choose the topic for both which makes it fun. The second paper is an inquiry in which you answer a question you choose. You learn a lot about explaining your opinions and findings to your audience. The third paper is a science feature and during the process of writing this paper you learn a lot about keeping your reader interested. Also you really learn a lot about your topic. All three papers have really helped my writing since they aren’t like papers in high school were all you have to do is follow a model and write down random facts. The rest of grade besides the papers are blog post and a final presentation. The blog post are assigned about every other class and they help with the process of writing your paper. I really liked the fact that we had the ability to revise our papers. I then learned my mistake and how I could improve on them in the future. 

Blog 19

I think that this semester really improved my ability to write. Being an engineering student I don’t have to take many English classes but I feel that I got a lot out of 1206. In the past to write a paper all I would have to do is write down facts I already knew and had a specific path the follow. This class was different. Starting with the Shelby Lee Adams paper we had to choose a side and then argue for it and against the other side. It made me think about both sides of the argument as I wrote. Next the Inquiry was my favorite paper. This time we got to choose the topic. The idea of answering a question in an essay was new to me but I really enjoyed writing the paper. I had always thought about my inquiry question but this time I had the chance to write a paper about and express my opinions. The last paper was the science feature and again since we were able to choose the topic I enjoyed this paper a lot too. I learned a lot about my topic the higgs boson and what I learned will help me in future classes as well. All of these paper were effective in teaching me a new way to write. They were so much different than paper I have done in high school and I learned a lot which will help me to be a better writer in the future. 

Joslin's review of Freed

Peer Review and Commentary—Science Feature AJ Joslin review of Bret Freed

The Lead:

How does the lead pull the reader in and entice her to read on?  Is it surprising, or are claims made that are common knowledge (note: the reader shouldn’t be able to say, ‘well duh.’)?  Is it effective?  Can it be made more effective?  (think details, human drama, evocative language—why do/don’t you want to read on?)

The author has a strong lead. They make the reader think of a world where everything is theirs and they can do whatever they want. Seems impossible but it is a lucid dream.

Does the lead give a clear indication of what the story will be about, or rely on mystery, or both?  Would more of a focus be helpful?  Is the reader aware of the importance of a topic—why it matters and is worth learning about?  Adversely, if for more entertainment purposes, is the topic engaging enough to compel reading?

The author give us the topic of the paper in the title and towards the end of the first paragraph. They don’t rely on mystery.

Organization:

Consider how the story is structured.  Chronological, thematic, chapter/section-based, inquiry-driven?  Is it effective?  Be specific—if a paragraph doesn’t transition well into the next, mention it and provide suggestions for improvement.

The paper is organized. It starts off with the intro, then the science behind dreaming, lucid dreaming, and then experiments related to lucid dreaming.

Is each paragraph well focused, or are several ideas competing for attention?  How can better focus be achieved?

The paragraph about the author’s experiments and scientist experiments seem to overlap towards the end. Besides that they are strong.

Are there certain points (factual or narrative based) that require more development?  Are you, the reader, unclear at certain points?  Are any ideas superfluous or distracting?

I think the ending needs more development. We get the science behind dreaming and then experiments but then it just ends.

Balance of human interest and information.  Point out sections that become too bogged down in dry facts or heavily specialized concepts.  Adversely, find sections that rely on narrative without giving the reader proper background information and factual points of reference.

I think the balance works in the paper.

Are claims backed up by examples, evidence, research?  Are sensory details employed effectively?  Are abstractions made concrete through use of examples and details?

Claims are backed up by people’s recorded experiences

How is the story concluded?  Does it wrap up the topic neatly and provide closure?  Does it ask bigger questions or compel the reader to search for more?  Are you left wanting more (and is this a good thing)?  Is it effective?

The conclusion comes up fast. The author talks about the idea of a dream mirror and then the paper ends. I think a few paragraphs could be added to the end. Maybe one more new idea and then a complete conclusion.

Voice and Audience

Characterize the story’s voice and tone?  Is it suitable for the topic?  Is it engaging?  Is it consistent throughout the piece?  If first person POV is used, is this effective or jarring (remember, most story’s should rely on the strength of the topic for engagement, not the evidence of authorial intrusion).

The author tone works for this paper. They are very curious in the topic and making lucid dreaming work. Not all he answer are known on this topic so the paper doesn’t have all the answer either. The voice is effective for what the author is talking about.

Try to characterize the audience.  What venue (publication) do you think this story suits?  Why?  Does the author effectively address this audience (too dumbed-down or sensational, too dry and esoteric)?

This could apply to anyone. Since everyone dreams, any person could be interested in lucid dreaming. With the science background this paper could be read by almost anyone.

Mechanics

Mark any ineffective or over-used word/phrase choices.  Mark any repetitive sentence structures.  Offer advice on vocabulary, syntax, and sentence structure.

Mark other grammar issues and typos.

Marked on paper

Outline

To start off my paper I am going to write about the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva Switzerland. The Large Hadron Collider was built in collaboration with over 10,000 scientists and engineers from over 100 countries, as well as hundreds of universities and laboratories. It lies in a tunnel 27 kilometers (17 mi) in circumference, as deep as 175 meters (574 ft.) beneath the ground. It accelerates particles at nearly the speed of light around the 27 kilometer circle and Atlas is a super computer that can read the data of the particle collision.

I plan to then go to into a bit of history and write about Peter Higgs and his ideas.

After that I will explain the higgs boson also known as the “god particle”, is the particle that gives matter mass. The higgs boson interacts with the Higgs field and this gives particles mass. The larger the particle the more it interacts with the field and the more mass it has.

I will then relate the Large Hadron Collider to the higgs boson and explain how Albert Einstein’s famous equation of E=mc² ties them together.

Before I conclude the paper I will talk about the impact of finding the higgs boson on modern physics and what it means moving forward in science. Since finding it 2012 revolutionized physicist ideas of the origin of mass.

This is a big topic to write about. I hope the Large Hadron Collider and the facts behind it will keep the reader interested as I explain the history, the higgs boson and the impact of its discovery.

Questions

The biggest question I will have to answer is what is the higgs boson? In the most simple explanation higgs boson, also known as the “god particle”, is the particle that gives matter mass. Finding it 2012 revolutionized physicist ideas of the origin of mass. The higgs boson interacts with the Higgs field and this gives particles mass. The larger the particle the more it interacts with the field and the more mass it has. How is a particle detected? Using the Atlas detector of the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva Switzerland. The LHC was built in collaboration with over 10,000 scientists and engineers from over 100 countries, as well as hundreds of universities and laboratories. It lies in a tunnel 27 kilometers (17 mi) in circumference, as deep as 175 meters (574 ft.) beneath the ground. It accelerates particles at nearly the speed of light around the 27 kilometer circle and Atlas is a super computer that can read the data of the particle collision. How does colliding particles get this particle? Einstein’s famous equation E=mc² tell us that mass is just another form of energy. By speeding the particles up to nearly the speed of light, the collision turns this energy into many particles and it is just a matter of Atlas capturing this data. The question of why is it named higgs? The particle is named after Dr. Peter Higgs after he predicted such a particle should exist in 1964. He thought an energy field permeated the entire universe, later called the higgs field. 

Student Essays

I choose to look at Student Essay’s 4 and 8. Titled “Per Aspera Ad Astra” and “Watson’s Big Day”. Both start off with a single sentence before their body paragraphs. Essay 4 starts off with a sentence that reads “Seventeen seconds.  Seventeen goddamn seconds was all it took to lose those three men.” Not knowing what the title meant this statement grabs anyone attention. Essay 8 “Good afternoon, Mr. Trebek, I have been waiting for a very, very, very long time.” Neither statements reference what exactly is the topic of the articles but they get your attention or curiosity. This is what I will need when I write about the Higgs Boson. It is a big topic and can be very difficult to explain so I want a strong introduction so I don’t lose my readers right off the start. Both of these article have the one sentence introduction that does a strong job. After further reading we see that Essay 8 is about Watson the computer and its ability to communicate with humans and the article lead into Artificial Intelligence. Essay 4 is about the death of three men abroad a practice test. A fire broke out and burned the three men. This article has an interesting twist. They start with the opening statement but then go through to history and lead to their initial statement. Along the way there are short statements that are related to the fire and death of the men. The author keeps you reading since you get taste of what is to come after going through the history. I now have more ideas on how I will tackle the paper of writing about the Higgs Boson.

Bring them back to Life

“Bring them back to Life” does an excellent job of keeping my attention in the introduction. They article talks about bringing an extinct creature back to life. Right away this made me think of the scene from Jurassic Park when the blood is being drawn the mosquito in the amber and how they had breed dinosaurs back in existence. This idea of de-extinction seemed just like an idea from science fiction. I thought it was interesting that after reading the intro that they made the same reference to Jurassic Park that I had. The article makes strong points for de-extinction. Since humans did wipe out these animals by hunting them or destroying their habit we should help bring them back. The article kept my attention through this park since it kept me thinking and convincing me for this idea. The idea that a woolly mammoth could be brought back to life defiantly peaked my interest. It seems impossible but with advanced in technology we are seemingly right on the edge. I liked the reference to 1813 when the pigeons would blanket the sky. It’s really mind blowing to think that a species of such abundance was destroyed because of human hunting and human activity. The article does close on the more realistic note that even though we are close it is still years away. Also the question of would these animals be able to survive will come up over and over again. I liked this article. It made an idea that seems to come straight from science fiction as a possibility over the coming years.

Chasing Lightning Blog

This article starts off with very strong imagery. We can picture was it would have been like to inside the car and looking off into the huge clouds and seeing the lightning. We even get to see the windshield covered in crushed bugs and the cracks that the hail in forming. We also see that end of the storm and the rainbow which forms. The opening scene that the author describes is used as a cliff hanger. After the first scenario the author goes back and explains what the article is about. What help keep my attention through the whole article was the facts that the author wrote which were that we still don’t know everything about lightning. A picture of lightning striking the ground would be able to help these questions. I was also very interest in the camera system which could take images less than one-millionth of a second apart. It also helps keep attention is the fact that the chances of catching the lightning in the wild is close to zero due to the long time it takes to operate Kahuna and he has to be facing the lightning directly. The article does begin the lose excitement as it gets closer to the end. The ability to catch the picture in the wild is almost impossible. Even when the lightning strikes are triggered by rocket the new and improved Kahuna couldn't capture the picture because of the window in which the machine can take pictures. The article ends with Samaras still on the chase for the picture of the lightning strike. 

Nerf Guns

The author of “How Nerf Became the World’s Best Purveyor of Big Guns for Kids” starts of him article similarly to the author of Black Hole. They both start off with suspense. In the Nerf Gun article the author uses the first paragraph to set up the article as almost a mission impossible. The question of if it possible to make a gun that can hold 50 darts and fire 75 feet. One thing that keep me interested and I am sure this is true is that the topic of Nerf products relates to out childhood. Back in the day when we would save our allowance to buy the newest and biggest Nerf Gun to crush our friends. It made me think of countless Nerf Wars in my basement and stairway with cousins and friends. The YouTube videos of “modding” the guns also reminded me of being a kid when my cousin and I would raid the toolbox to edit our Nerf Guns to make them better. The article makes you feel like a kid again. Since your attention is drawn the author then writes about the history of Nerf and surprised me with the fact that this branch of Hasbro made $410 million in 2011. That is a lot of Nerf products. The whole article is written to make these toys seem as a very serious topic. The tone says constant with this serious mode through the article. The ending wraps it up well. The gun can fire over 75 feet and then a swarm of kids run in the complex and go crazy with the new toys. I thought it was a very cool article about Nerf and their blasters. 

black holes

The author uses imagery very well in this piece. They paint the picture of the stars and use size comparisons to Earth to put it all into prospective. One of my favorite lines is “A neutron star’s gravitational pull is so severe that if you were to drop a marshmallow on it, the impact would generate as much energy as an atom bomb.” It really puts the whole idea into perspective and how little our Earth would be compared to other stars. To keep attention the author the author uses references to the atomic bomb as a comparison of the energy that stars have. The author also uses a bit of a cliff hanger. On the second page he keeps breaking down the material until nothing. He then explains what we have figured out so far. His cliffhanger at the beginning of the paper really made me want to read more. I thought the history was interesting as he built to the idea that made me think the most. The idea that gravity can trump time. This really made me think about our universe and continue to read the paper until the end. The ending of the paper is very well done I think. The author introduces the idea of the multiverse. The fact that there could be thousands of universes that all exist and black holes connect them seems impossible. The author uses only scientific data in his paper so these aren’t ideas he made up. What ultimately kept my attention was these ideas that made me think about how small humans are. 

AJ Joslin review of Julia Saunders

Peer Review Worksheet – Inquiry Essay AJ Joslin review of Julia Saunders

Introduction:

What is the initial inquiry question?  Is it expressed clearly?  Why/why not?

The question is “What environmental and genetic factors influence child behavior and temperament?” It is clearly expressed.

How does the author draw in the reader’s interest?  Can it more effectively?  Is this an inquiry with greater import?  Is it expressed? (note: it might be more effective expressed later in the inquiry.)

The author draws in attention by explaining that finding an answer to this question can eliminate antisocial and problem behaviors in children.

                   

Do we know where the author prior knowledge?  Does s/he have a stake in the inquiry?

The author has prior knowledge since the author is a Student Development major so this inquiry relates to their courses.

Voice:

How would you characterize the voice?  Is it effective for the subject material?  Do we believe in the inquisitiveness of the author (does this matter to him/her)?

The voice was strong throughout the paper. It was effective for the subject since they wrote as a researcher and stuck to facts and observations.

If the voice/tone breaks from type, point it out to the author.  Should it not?

The voice/tone is consistent through the paper.

Abstactions/Generalities: are there any instances where abstract ideas need specific details and concrete support for greater understanding?  Point these out.

The author does a good job of explaining her ideas and building on another.

Body:

Is the author’s thought process evident?  Are we led smoothly from one section of the inquiry to the next?  Are there any questions/answers the author missed?  What are they?

The author’s thought process is very evident though out the paper. As the author observes the children since explains what they think about the situation.

Does the author question his/her own assumptions, findings, logic? 

No the author stays with the same idea through the paper.

How is research effectively used?  Incorporation of quotes?  Does the research lead to other branchs of inquiry?  Intellectual disciplines?  Are there missed opportunities for expansion?

Research is effectively used since the author went out into the field and actually studied the behavior of two children and this helps her paper since it data she found. They also use outside sources to contribute the paper.

Does the author maintain your interest?  How so?  Where does your attention lag?  Why?  How can it be fixed?

The author maintains interest by explaining her observations of the children and her thoughts about it.

Does the reader continue to broaden the inquiry?  Should it be further broadened, complicated?

The author uses her own observations and thoughts to expand the inquiry.

Conclusion:

How does the conclusion operate? (Is an answer found?  Is the initial inquiry complicated, expanded?  Does it point to further inquiry?  Does it conclude with greater import/implications?)

I think the second to last paragraph should be switched with the last paragraph. The last paragraph introduces a new idea while the second to last would be a strong way to end the paper.

Is it effective?  Are you, the reader, satisfied with the ending?  Why, why not?  What are some suggestions for greater effectiveness?

If the conclusion was the second to last paragraph then it would be a more effective way to end the paper

The paper answers the question of nature vs. nurture. I’d like to see more information about the nurture side or environmental factors of the question too. Switching the last two paragraphs would help a lot. Overall it was a strong paper.

Review of Matthew How Yew Kin

Peer Review Worksheet – Inquiry Essay Aj Joslin’s review of Matthew How Yew Kin

Introduction:

What is the initial inquiry question?  Is it expressed clearly?  Why/why not?

The author main question is how much technology actually help us. It is clear in the first paragraph.

How does the author draw in the reader’s interest?  Can it more effectively?  Is this an inquiry with greater import?  Is it expressed? (note: it might be more effective expressed later in the inquiry.)

The author draws in attention by pointing out how much time we spend with our phones and how little people talk face to face now a days.

Do we know where the author prior knowledge?  Does s/he have a stake in the inquiry?

The author has experience with this and prefers to go talk to someone rather than sending them a text.

Voice:

How would you characterize the voice?  Is it effective for the subject material?  Do we believe in the inquisitiveness of the author (does this matter to him/her)?

The voice is the paper is focused on getting away from phones and going to personal conversations. The sources need work so they transition better from one another. Some of the paragraphs have more than one main idea and these should be used as new paragraphs.

If the voice/tone breaks from type, point it out to the author.  Should it not?

The tone is constant is the paper and it wants the reader to get away from the phone.

Abstactions/Generalities: are there any instances where abstract ideas need specific details and concrete support for greater understanding?  Point these out.

I think the paragraph on page three could use more explanation on how social media leads to drugs and depression.

Body:

Is the author’s thought process evident?  Are we led smoothly from one section of the inquiry to the next?  Are there any questions/answers the author missed?  What are they?

Some of the ideas don’t transition well from one idea to the other. Some paragraph should be broken into smaller one with one main idea.

Does the author question his/her own assumptions, findings, logic? 

The author sticks to his idea of how communication should be.

How is research effectively used?  Incorporation of quotes?  Does the research lead to other branchs of inquiry?  Intellectual disciplines?  Are there missed opportunities for expansion?

The author does use research. I would like to see more stats or information about how social media leads to drugs or depression.

Does the author maintain your interest?  How so?  Where does your attention lag?  Why?  How can it be fixed?

The author does keep my attention since this is a problem in the modern world.

Does the reader continue to broaden the inquiry?  Should it be further broadened, complicated?

The author does bring in many ideas to his agreement. Again the idea that social media leads to drugs should be more explained.

Conclusion:

How does the conclusion operate? (Is an answer found?  Is the initial inquiry complicated, expanded?  Does it point to further inquiry?  Does it conclude with greater import/implications?)

The conclusion is in two paragraphs and does an alright job of ending the paper. I think it could be stronger without using some of the questions in the second last paragraph.

Is it effective?  Are you, the reader, satisfied with the ending?  Why, why not?  What are some suggestions for greater effectiveness?

It works but I would like to see the author get rid of the questions in the second last paragraph and just state facts.

Power's Review

Peer Review Worksheet – Inquiry Essay AJ Joslin review of Kristen Powers

Introduction:

What is the initial inquiry question?  Is it expressed clearly?  Why/why not?

The initial question is how much do grades matter? It is clearly stated at the top of the second page.

How does the author draw in the reader’s interest?  Can it more effectively?  Is this an inquiry with greater import?  Is it expressed? (note: it might be more effective expressed later in the inquiry.)

The author relates to college students or anyone who has gone to college. They talk about all nighters and getting sick and being stuck in a cycle. It drew my attention and I think it works well.

Do we know where the author prior knowledge?  Does s/he have a stake in the inquiry?

The author is a college student but their inquiry question was raised by the comment of a friend.

Voice:

How would you characterize the voice?  Is it effective for the subject material?  Do we believe in the inquisitiveness of the author (does this matter to him/her)?

The voice is very strong. The question does seems to interest the author due to the work load of college and question if it is worth it.

If the voice/tone breaks from type, point it out to the author.  Should it not?

The author tone is constant through the paper. They make the points that show that killing yourself for a 4.0 doesn’t benefit you as much as you’d think compared to B students.

Abstactions/Generalities: are there any instances where abstract ideas need specific details and concrete support for greater understanding?  Point these out.

I thought the points about future career and GPA would be in most need of being explained and everything was explained very well.

Body:

Is the author’s thought process evident?  Are we led smoothly from one section of the inquiry to the next?  Are there any questions/answers the author missed?  What are they?

Yes the author takes the comment made by a friend and transitions it very well from topic to topic.

Does the author question his/her own assumptions, findings, logic? 

The author finds that grades don’t matter as much as most people think the difference between a C and A don’t have much impact on the outcome as people think. The author stays with this side of the argument through the paper.

How is research effectively used?  Incorporation of quotes?  Does the research lead to other branchs of inquiry?  Intellectual disciplines?  Are there missed opportunities for expansion?

Research is effectively used. The author uses six strong resource and uses quotes from them to help her agreement.

Does the author maintain your interest?  How so?  Where does your attention lag?  Why?  How can it be fixed?

The Author keeps my attention through the paper because this is a question that relates to me as a college student.

Does the reader continue to broaden the inquiry?  Should it be further broadened, complicated?

              

Yes the author builds on her main question and relates real life examples into the paper.

Conclusion:

How does the conclusion operate? (Is an answer found?  Is the initial inquiry complicated, expanded?  Does it point to further inquiry?  Does it conclude with greater import/implications?)

The author ties up all of her ideas at the end and brings the paper to a close. Her question is answered and doesn’t leave any questions to be answered.

Is it effective?  Are you, the reader, satisfied with the ending?  Why, why not?  What are some suggestions for greater effectiveness?

I was content with the conclusions. It wraps up the paper very well.

Very good paper. Only problem was a few scattered grammar error but overall great.

Inquiry Table

To my table I am inviting a few of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. I will talk about each one and how they could be the greatest. For example Otto Graham, Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady will be coming. I was planning on doing a survey for this paper, I thought if I was lucky I would be able to get one hundred people to vote. But I found something better. It is a website called http://www.thetoptens.com. On this site they have asked the question “Who is the greatest quarterback of all time?” With the input of over 11,000 people over one hundred quarterbacks are listed in order of most voted for to least. This works out much better than my survey since this survey includes people from all over the country so the local bias won’t have an overall effect on the results.  Also at my table I have a great online resource called http://www.pro-football-reference.com/. On this website the stats for all quarterbacks who have ever played football are shown. They have the box scores of every game ever played too. I know a good deal of the stats I write about but I do have to look some up so I use this website as a crucial resource. Lastly I will invite a few ESPN writers to my table. I have a lot of potential writers that I could use so I want to get the list cut down a bit first before I use them as references. 

Inquiry Intro

Growing up in Buffalo odds are you were a fan of the Bills and the Sabres. They are our only two professional sports teams. I found hockey to be annoying at times since it is forced upon any male after the age of five since our close position to Canada. I never played but was a fan of the Sabres. But as long as I can remember I would watch the Bills games on Sundays with my Dad. I loved football since I was young. I would spend all day Sunday watching the games and then during the week look up all the highlights and stats. That would lead to me to look up records and that lead to me watch footage of almost every great player who has ever played. It has gotten to the point to where I know more random stats and facts than anyone should know. The older I got the more I knew about the sport and I could hold my own in arguments with my uncles who are Die-Hard football fans. A question that comes up constantly in our conversation is “Who is the Greatest Quarterback who has ever played the game?” We can never agree upon one name. I think that is because there is no right answer to this question. The NFL has existed since 1920 and over that time the game, science, and players have changed so much. So many factors go into this question. For example the era in which they played, the number of championships they won, their overall statistics, their most famous moments or I like to call “highlight reel”, and there long lasting impact on the position. An argument can be made for any other point but these five I’d like to look at these five since I think they are the most important. 

Comparing Student Essays

I read the student essays about “The Cost of Healthy Snacking” and “Are We Truly Good People.” Even though they are two completely different topics they both set out on a goal of answering a question. Both articles use real life situations in their exploration of these question. Both also cite outside sources that support their ideas. But a big difference between these two articles, besides for the topics, is that one comes to an answer while the other doesn’t. “The Cost of Healthy Snacking” comes to the conclusion that healthier snacking options range in prices from a few cents to twice the price of your current snack. The essay makes the point that shouldn’t it be worth it to help out your body and give you a better lifestyle. “Are We Truly Good People” never really comes to a complete idea. The essay goes in a circle. Starting by saying what altruism is, to why high school students only try to look good for college or their parents, back to heroes of our time who died to save the lives of others, to talking about religion making people behave properly, and ending with the only reason for donations to charity are for the money and looking good. A lot of ideas! The essay is all over the place and never really settles on a point. Lastly these two topics are different since one actually can be answered and the other is just an opinion. We can go find out exactly how much eating healthier cost but we can’t prove that people are inherently good or bad.

Unitasker

I found Unitasker by A.J. Jacobs overall an interesting article. He sets out on a month long project to answer the question of can man not multitask and just focus on one topic at a time. He brings up stories of his past in which he tries to cram as many activities as he can into his daily life. His friend tells him about his ability to read and walk from the Subway home. Also Jacobs has a much scarier situation in which he was listening to a book on a cd while driving and nearly killed himself and his wife. He starts his month and is only allowed to do one thing at a time. This like the other articles made me think. Since now a days most people are trying to accomplish as much as they can in a single day and work at maximum efficiency. Jacobs finds difficulty in this in the first week. His voice in the article is very strong. He writes about how he work for four minutes and find a new distraction. I feel like I would be the same way. But he pushes on and is inspired by a scientist who watched a life form reproduce from 5:30 am to 11 pm every day for three weeks and men who would copy the bible by writing it out. He takes up yoga to help his mind have a single focus. He even finds a Wii video game in which you are to sit still and stare for as long as you can. Though his month he finds a new ability in not playing with his phone and actually working nine to five every day. He seems to conquered unitasking but has a few slip ups towards the end.

Consider the Lobster

I enjoyed reading Consider the Lobster by David Foster Wallace. The first half of the paper talks about the Maine Lobster Festival and then basically the history of the consumption of lobster. The author has great voice in this paper and has some very interesting points in the first half of his work. The fact that in early 1800’s settlers could walk out to sea and catch all they could eat lobster really intrigued me. I also enjoyed the reference to jails not serving lobster since it was thought of as the rats of the sea. After about seven pages the author builds to his question of “Is it all right to boil a sentient creature alive just for our gustatory pleasure?” He makes this question to make us think about what we are doing. Boiling lobster alive has never really occurred to me as a cruel thing to do. This question really made think. Wallace then talks about stories from a rental car guy named Dick. He told of the time that a PETA protester striped down and painted herself as a lobster to make a point. Dick ends his stories with “There’s a part of the brain in people and animals that lets us feel pain, and lobsters’ brains don’t have this part.” This part is complicated. He cites a MLF articles that states that lobsters nervous systems are like grasshoppers and very underdeveloped. There is no way for us to know if lobster feel pain but they spend 35-45 seconds in boiling water before they die. The Author makes the topic uncomfortable at this point by talking about the ways to kill lobsters. Wallace makes us rethink our ways of eating lobster.

Looking At Women

Looking at women by Scott Russell Sanders is an article in which Sanders talks about how the world influences his perception of women. For this conversation he has many perspectives. The first is from his friend Norman who refers to girl by saying, "check out that chassis." This confuses him since has never heard the word chassis used in that context. Norman’s mom know right away what Norman is talking about but Sanders isn't as quick. Another person to have an effect on view of how women should be looked upon is his college roommate. He was on the opposite side of the spectrum as Sanders thought that his Playboy centerfold’s put him in a gutter. Sander’s first thought upon seeing the pictures was that it reminded him of a meat locker. Sanders would imagine the lives that these women lived and not what they were doing. Norman’s mother also had a big impact on his view of women. See would always say "How do you think she feels?" This question would stick with Sanders for the rest of his life. Another group that affected him growing up was his neighbors. They owned a store called bare essentials. They sold lingerie or "intimate apparel" at their store. This confuses him because it seems to him to provide no real purpose but to dehumanize the wearer. It puzzles him why anyone would dehumanize them self. Sanders questions why women make themselves out to objects like the world portraits and states that “to reduce another person to an object is the primal wrong.”

The Overly Documented Life

In The Overly Documented Life the author A.J. Jacobs sets out on a self-exploration trip by buying a Looxcie camera to document his life by filming all day every day. The idea of Lifeblogging scared the author at the start but he started to like it as the article went on. Being able to look back and solve every argument or find anything lost seems like it would be great. But the author soon found out that the proof doesn’t always make the situation better. Watching the recorded argument with his wife seems like it would help to solve the fight but in the end makes it worse. His sons doesn’t even bother listening to the argument that his father had saved. After being somewhat on the fence of lifeblogging the author soon invest in more apps and gadgets just to track what he is doing. He almost becomes obsessed with tracking his life the going back and watching it all over. This seems ridiculous to me. We only get one shot at life why waste all this time and money on lifeblogging. I don’t always want to be recording my conversations or activates. After this experiment done by the author he seems to almost have become a robot trying to maximize his efficiency at life. I can’t see the fun in that. We are humans not machines. We are supposed to make mistakes and not always be productive. I think lifeblogging could go too far and end up taking over lives of people downloading recordings and spending money on all the products.

Derek Tomenchok's Review

Peer Review; SLA Argument

Author’s Name: Derek Tomenchok                                                        Peer Review’s Name: Aj Joslin

What is the main point, the argument? [List page # and paragraph—and then write it in your own words]

For the work of  Shelby Lee Adams

How does the argument refute potential detractors? [Please list anything the author may have missed that they need to address]

By talking about Adam’s Background of growing up in Kentucky with these people.

Introduction: Describe in your own words what the intro does, then if its effective.  Why/Why Not?  [Please be as specific as possible]

The intro works well since it discusses both sides of the argument.

Paragraph Concerns:  if there are any paragraphs with more than one main point, address whether they should be split into separate paragraphs, or if one point seems unnecessary and can be deleted.  Are there any paragraphs doing the same thing and can be combined? This is a good place to discuss overall structure, the logical series of points being made.  If the paragraph sequence could be altered for greater effectiveness, please note.

The paragraphs work well. They talk about the main ideas nicely.

Evidence:  Is each main point backed with evidence?  Has the author thoroughly explained the implications of the point being made?  Offer advice on how to back up the point (photo treatment, quotes, logic).

Yes, the author uses the documentary and the home funeral well. I’d like to see one more source to diversify the opinions in the paper.

Transitions: Does each paragraph flow well from the previous?  If there are any fuzzy transitions, please list them specifically—page #, paragraph #--and give advice on how to make the transition smoother (or moved to somewhere else in the paper).

Transitions works well between the paragraphs.

Conclusion:  Is the conclusion effective in wrapping up the argument, leaving the reader/listener well aware of the point(s) being made?  Does the author leave any loose ends (unfinished arguments begun earlier)?  Can the conclusion be strengthened?

The conclusions is strong and wraps up the paper well.

Voice/Audience:  Describe how the voice is effective in addressing this controversy, keeping in mind that there are people who will not agree with the argument.  Do you feel that the author is effective in projecting him/herself as a rationale authority who had given thought to all viewpoints?  Voice is hard to maintain throughout an entire paper.  Please list passages and word choices that hinder the success of the rationale voice, and offer advice on how to make it stronger.

The voice is strong and he defiantly addresses both sides to the argument.

Revision Suggestions: [recap any suggestions made above, and then list the two most important ones you feel need to occur to achieve maximum effectiveness.]

I would like to see one or two more sources with one more idea. This would make the paper a bit longer and diversify it too.

Laura Hall's review

Peer Review; SLA Argument

Author’s Name: Laura Hall                                                                     Peer Review’s Name: AJ Joslin

What is the main point, the argument? [List page # and paragraph—and then write it in your own words]

The author is for Shelby Lee Adams work.

How does the argument refute potential detractors? [Please list anything the author may have missed that they need to address]

The author states that these are powerful images that the critics are looking at in the wrong way.

Introduction: Describe in your own words what the intro does, then if its effective.  Why/Why Not?  [Please be as specific as possible]

I think it is effective. It covers Shelby Lee Adams’s past, his work and the author’s opinion of him.

Paragraph Concerns:  if there are any paragraphs with more than one main point, address whether they should be split into separate paragraphs, or if one point seems unnecessary and can be deleted.  Are there any paragraphs doing the same thing and can be combined? This is a good place to discuss overall structure, the logical series of points being made.  If the paragraph sequence could be altered for greater effectiveness, please note.

The paragraphs work well they all stay on topic.

Evidence:  Is each main point backed with evidence?  Has the author thoroughly explained the implications of the point being made?  Offer advice on how to back up the point (photo treatment, quotes, logic).

The author explains In Plato’s cave very well, but I think a citation is need in the first paragraph on page 3. I would like to see a few more sources to get more opinions.

Transitions: Does each paragraph flow well from the previous?  If there are any fuzzy transitions, please list them specifically—page #, paragraph #--and give advice on how to make the transition smoother (or moved to somewhere else in the paper).

I like the transitions. They flow from one paragraph to another.

Conclusion:  Is the conclusion effective in wrapping up the argument, leaving the reader/listener well aware of the point(s) being made?  Does the author leave any loose ends (unfinished arguments begun earlier)?  Can the conclusion be strengthened?

The conclusion wraps up the paper well the last line ends the paper nicely.

Voice/Audience:  Describe how the voice is effective in addressing this controversy, keeping in mind that there are people who will not agree with the argument.  Do you feel that the author is effective in projecting him/herself as a rationale authority who had given thought to all viewpoints?  Voice is hard to maintain throughout an entire paper.  Please list passages and word choices that hinder the success of the rationale voice, and offer advice on how to make it stronger.

The author’s voice is strong. I like use of the Blacksburg location compared to Kentucky.

Revision Suggestions: [recap any suggestions made above, and then list the two most important ones you feel need to occur to achieve maximum effectiveness.]

I would suggest adding a source or two to diversify the opinions in the paper. Also cite the documentary on page 3.

Julia Saunders's review

Peer Review; SLA Argument

Author’s Name: Julia Saunders                                                    Peer Review’s Name: AJ Joslin

What is the main point, the argument? [List page # and paragraph—and then write it in your own words]

This paper is for Shelby Lee Adams and his work in the Appalachia

How does the argument refute potential detractors? [Please list anything the author may have missed that they need to address]

They state that Shelby truly cares for the people he photographs, like in Childers family. The kids look forward to seeing him year round and he plays and interacts with the children.

Introduction: Describe in your own words what the intro does, then if its effective.  Why/Why Not?  [Please be as specific as possible]

I think the intro is effective. I like the Facebook reference. It addresses the topic at hand and introduces some of the concerns of Shelby’s critics.

Paragraph Concerns:  if there are any paragraphs with more than one main point, address whether they should be split into separate paragraphs, or if one point seems unnecessary and can be deleted.  Are there any paragraphs doing the same thing and can be combined? This is a good place to discuss overall structure, the logical series of points being made.  If the paragraph sequence could be altered for greater effectiveness, please note.

The three paragraphs are good. The first talks about how the pictures are taken, The second and third are about his relationship with the people who live there. I think another topic would make the paper better than just the two main ideas the body paragraphs talk about.

Evidence:  Is each main point backed with evidence?  Has the author thoroughly explained the implications of the point being made?  Offer advice on how to back up the point (photo treatment, quotes, logic).

The main points are back by the documentary and In Plato’s Cave. The author did a very good job explaining these two works.

Transitions: Does each paragraph flow well from the previous?  If there are any fuzzy transitions, please list them specifically—page #, paragraph #--and give advice on how to make the transition smoother (or moved to somewhere else in the paper).

The transition is good between the paragraphs.

Conclusion:  Is the conclusion effective in wrapping up the argument, leaving the reader/listener well aware of the point(s) being made?  Does the author leave any loose ends (unfinished arguments begun earlier)?  Can the conclusion be strengthened?

The conclusion is strong but gets redundant about the point that he tries to show the world these people while not exploiting them.

Voice/Audience:  Describe how the voice is effective in addressing this controversy, keeping in mind that there are people who will not agree with the argument.  Do you feel that the author is effective in projecting him/herself as a rationale authority who had given thought to all viewpoints?  Voice is hard to maintain throughout an entire paper.  Please list passages and word choices that hinder the success of the rationale voice, and offer advice on how to make it stronger.

The author has strong voice. This shown with the use of the questions scattered throughout the document and ending the paper.

Revision Suggestions: [recap any suggestions made above, and then list the two most important ones you feel need to occur to achieve maximum effectiveness.]

I would suggest adding more sources and maybe a one more idea into the body paragraphs.

Shelby Lee Adams Opening Paragraphs

Shelby Lee Adams is a professional photographer from Hazard, Kentucky. His works such as “Appalachian Portraits” and “Appalachian Lives” are very well known in the art community and face many different opinions. Growing up Shelby Lee Adams and his people were portrayed by the media as a poor and run down place to live. Shelby Lee Adams fell in love with the people of Appalachia during house calls with his uncle who was a doctor. Since then he has dedicated his life to showing the world the truth behind the people and area he loves so much. He has befriend the people who he photographs and will not publish their pictures without their consent. He is trying to change the thinking of the American people by getting close to these people and photographing them the way they truly live.

Shelby Lee Adams is a professional photographer from Hazard, Kentucky. His works such as “Appalachian Portraits” and “Appalachian Lives” are very well known in the art community and face many different opinions. Growing up Shelby Lee Adams and his people were portrayed by the media as a poor and run down place to live. Through all his work hasn't changed that opinion. He exploits the people who he claims to love. By taking his pictures in black and white and providing no context he make these innocent people seem sinister and dark. In his documentary he makes sure he has the last word so he ends with his point of view. He is clearly taking advantage of them.

In Plato's Cave

The first major point in “In Plato’s Cave” by Susan Sontag is “To collect pictures is to collect the world.” This relates to Shelby Lee Adams’s goal to show the way of life of his hometown. He tells the people who he photographs that he is taking their pictures and won’t publish them without their consent. He is trying to depict the Appalachian way of life. His collection of pictures shows a way of life that most people have no idea exist in modern America.

The Second main point is “Photographs furnish evidence. Something we hear about, but doubt, seems proven when we are shown a photograph of it.” This reminds me of Shelby’s pictures. In modern times and all the technology we have at our finger tips it can be hard to believe that some of the pictures he takes can be real. The people he photographs almost seem like they living in a different time. The clothes they wear, the houses they live in, and their environment all seems so foreign to people who have never experience the Appalachian way of life before.

The final point I think relates to Shelby’s work is “Photographs may be more memorable than moving images.” After looking through his work you can really get a feel for these pictures. It’s not a movie were people talk and actions are explained. It is a single frame that doesn't change. Some of these pictures you can’t forget and you can’t look at for very long. That single image can be branded into your mind.

Impressions of looking at Appalachia

Shelby Lee Adams doesn't think of himself as a documentation but instead giving showing the way these people live. He feels betrayed by the media in the way they made his home town appear; the people feel the same way. Shelby is truly passionate about his home town and the people who live there. After traveling house to house with his uncle, the doctor, he learned to love the people like he did. He talks about low self-esteem of the people of the area with leads to problems. He has a true passion for what he does. This article sheds light on his side of the story. It really changed my opinion of Shelby Lee Adams. He really wants to be friends with the people and not just take exploit them. I like during his teaching he teaches his students to give a picture to the people that they take a picture of. This shows his passion for his work and the following quote summaries it.

“When embracing all of humanity, there is no elitism or poverty. If people in the hollers can do this, so can you, each in your own way. Photography is a powerful tool and I am one Kentuckian who is concerned about many of our people that some wish weren't here. I know my process is now reaching others.” –Shelby Lee Adams

He faces all lot of critics but I believe his work requires you knowing his story to fully understand it. His passion for his homeland and the people there is inspiring.

Secrets of the Brain

I found the article Secrets of the Brain interesting. After taking psychology in the fall semester it furthered my understanding having some knowledge of the topic. I liked how the author put pieces of the article into perceptive to the average reader. For example his comparison of the grain of salt sized area of the brain and it can hold as much data as contained in 25,000 HD movies. That really made stop and think just about how much information can be held in the brain. I also was very interested in how little we know about the brain. With modern technology and the idea we sometimes have that we have everything figured out but we are far from that. We are still in the early stages of mastering the brain. The brain’s purpose wasn't even confirmed until four hundred years ago. A lot of progress has been made on learning about the brain and much more is still to come.  The article does get a bit dry in between the authors main ideas. I feel as if he would lose a reader that didn't care much about science since it does seem a repetitive with his topics of how large the brain is and the dying of certain parts. But he does kept the article interesting by moving to new topics and ending with the robotic arm controlled by mere thought. That was a great way to end the article because it lets the reader imagination go wild with what is actually possible as we perfect our learning of the brain.